Detention in the Dungeons
by Defying Logic
Summary: Twenty four years after the Battle of Hogwarts, the new Potions Master gives Albus and Scorpius a detention. APSM Oneshot.


_Disclaimer: I don't own _Harry Potter._ I do, however, own Professor Selwyn. _

* * *

"Hogwarts keeps a supply of certain useful potions in stock at all times," explained Professor Selwyn, "mostly for use by Madame Pomfrey—but at one time they were also an aid in the fight against Voldemort. Indeed, without your middle namesake's brewing skills, Potter…" she trailed off, looking slightly nostalgic and obviously not feeling a need to finish her sentence. "And, unfortunately, it looks like they have not been properly inventoried since the time of Snape. Or at least Slughorn. 

"In any case, the fact remains that my predecessor, Professor Supodos, let the stock get…rather out of hand. Some potions are missing labels, some are blatantly mislabeled, and some were never properly recorded. Here is a list I have compiled of all the potions that need looking into," she said, extending a long roll of parchment to them, "and here are the potions themselves."

Professor Selwyn unlocked the door with a swish of her wand. It swung open, and Scorpius and Albus were faced with a room full of more potions than either of them had ever seen in one place. There were shelves lining the whole of the back wall, and four large cabinets on the side walls, and the two boys expected all of them were stocked with potions. "I don't expect you two to sort out all my problems—there will be other detentions this year—but I'd like you to at least get to here on the list, she said, drawing a line right above 'Drowsiness Draughts.' Anything beyond that will net a point for Slytherin."

She strode over to one of the four wooden cabinets, and opened its doors. To Albus and Scorpius's relief, it was empty. "Properly labeled and accounted-for potions are to be placed in here. Do you have any questions?"

Both boys shook their heads.

"Good," Professor Selwyn said, striding away. "I shall meet you here at eleven o'clock. If you need any clarification on a particular point, I shall be in my office." Friday nights were the Potions Master's designated reading nights, and she was eager to start _Two Seekers in Love_, Book Three of the popular Romance on the Quidditch Pitch series.

Meanwhile, Albus and Scorpius were still gearing themselves up for the task. Scorpius was examining a few dusty potion bottles, and Albus was gazing over the parchment Professor Selwyn had given them. Finally, he said, "Scor…how are we supposed to tell which potions are which, if they've lost their labels? Some of these descriptions are really vague… I mean, this one just says 'pale green.' There must be dozens of pale green potions here!"

Scorpius gave Albus an isn't-that-obvious look. "I suppose we'll just have to…drink them."

"Drink them?"

"Oh come on, Al, don't be such a wimp. Selwyn wouldn't have given us anything poisonous or dangerous, right?"

"I guess," Albus admitted reluctantly.

"So, we shouldn't have anything to worry about, then, right? C'mon, let's get going. We can alternate drinking the potions."

Albus nodded. "According to this list, the first thing we need to find is Burning Bitterroot Balm."

* * *

Twenty minutes into their detention, it was Albus's turn to be the potion guinea pig. He imbibed a few drops of silvery-gray potion in a bottle the exact shape of a crescent moon. It tasted bitter and unpleasant, and he coughed and sputtered. 

He put his wand up to his mouth and gasped, "_Aguamenti_!" A jet of water poured from the tip, and he drank eagerly, trying to mitigate the foul taste of the potion.

"That," he gasped, when the taste was mostly gone from his mouth, "was most definitely _not_ Moonseed Potion." When he got no response, he turned to Scorpius and said, "So mark it as 'mislabeled,' Scor." Scorpius burst out laughing.

Albus was confused. "Scor, what's so funny? Scor?" Scorpius's only response was to laugh even harder. "Seriously…what?"

"Oh gosh…" Scorpius said, panting, when the amusement of the situation passed. "Your voice…"

"What about my voice?" Albus asked, confused. It sounded normal to him.

Scorpius looked at him for a second, then laughed again. "What about it? Oh, just the fact that you sound like Tony, the Boy Soprano…"

Albus did. The potion he'd taken had been a highly-concentrated form of the aptly-named Voicelift Potion, formulated in the 1871 by the director of the now-disbanded Hogwarts Boy's Choir.

"No I don't!" Albus insisted. Scorpius just laughed, quieter but still full of amusement at his friend's predicament.

"Stop laughing at me!"

"Oh come on, if I had—"

"If it hadn't been for you, we wouldn't be here sorting out these bloody potions in the first place! Detention the first week of school…my mother will be furious…"

Scorpius stopped laughing, although Albus's voice was still comically high, and said, "Oh, come on, don't try and pin it all on me…"

"Who was caught going through Lucretia's wardrobe?" Albus fired at him.

"Who bought the Biting Bras?" Scorpius shot back.

Albus didn't have any retort for that, but dammed if he was going to admit that moment that he was just as responsible for the detention as Scorpius, so he just said, "Wanker."

Scorpius glared. "Jerk-off."

Albus's voice was returning to its original octave, now; the Voicelift Potion's effect had a short duration, especially in limited quantities. And Albus felt like hitting Scorpius a little below the belt. "Pansy."

"Mama's boy."

"Death Eater's boy."

"Prick."

"Fag."

Scorpius turned away at that, his face red, and began searching for the real Moonseed Potion. They worked on in silence, acting forcedly civil towards each other. It was nine-thirty; they still had a while in detention, so they figured it was no use tearing each other apart.

* * *

One hour and a few sips of Calming Drafts later, the two had more or less reconciled. 

"Okay, I've got the Drowsiness Draughts sorted out," Scorpius said, yawning. "What's next on the list, Al?"

"Love potions," Albus said. "They should be in ornate glass bottles with stoppers in the shape of snake heads."

"Snake heads?" asked Scorpius, amused. "You'd think they could find a better symbol for love…"

"Maybe they just didn't have enough bottles," Albus suggested.

Scorpius smirked as he looked for potions that matched the description.

"Or maybe they were just realists."

A minute later, Scorpius came out of one of the heavy cabinets holding two ornate glass bottles with stoppers in the shape of snake heads. The liquid inside one was bright red; the other, a pale pink. "There's a few of each in there. I'm not sure which one it is."

"Hmmm," said Albus. "They both look pretty ornate to me."

"Yeah," Scorpius said. Then, quietly, "I guess we'll have to test them."

Albus squeaked—his voice cracking, or else a lingering trace of the Voicelift Potion, Scorpius thought at first. "Test?"

Then it hit Scorpius. They were going to be testing for love potions, and one of them was bound to be drinking the right one. He winced, and tried to speak slowly, and calmly, like everything was normal.

Like he didn't have a crush on Albus Potter.

"We'll just have to each take one, and whichever one of us ends up with their hair a different color or their nose three inches longer or whatever will know their potion wasn't the love potion. Therefore, logically, we'll have to assume that the other potion is the love potion." Scorpius was babbling, but he couldn't help it. He was nervous, and besides, it kept his mind on the situation and off his best friend.

"Here, you take the red potion, and I'll take the pink." Pink seemed like a logical color for a love potion. And if Scorpius took the love potion, then the situation wouldn't change much, would it? But then, red could have stood for passion. In any case, though, it was too late to change his mind. He held out the red bottle to Albus, who took it. As he did, their hands brushed. Scorpius turned away and went all red for the second time that evening.

Back-to-back now, Albus and Scorpius pulled the snake's-head stoppers off their potions. Scorpius muttered, "Bottom's up," trying to keep his voice steady as he did so. The bottle shook in his hand. Then he put its neck to his mouth, tipped his head back, and let some of the pale pink potion slide down his throat. He drank a little too much, he thought, but there were plenty more bottles in the cabinets. He just hoped he had chosen correctly and gotten the love potion.

He turned to face his best friend. Slowly, Scorpius crossed the distance between them. Albus just looked at him, blankly. Scorpius slid his eyes over the boy's body, looking for any weird features the potion could have bestowed upon him, trying not to ogle as he did so. Albus…didn't look any different. He looked perfect. And for reasons he couldn't recall, Scorpius slowly moved his head forward, and met Albus's lips. He felt the other boy shift under his touch, and broke away, but his mouth was only inches away before Albus resumed the kiss.

Albus Potter was kissing him.

And he was kissing back.

Scorpius's world was suddenly upside-down. Albus had to have drunk the love potion, but Scorpius didn't care. At the moment, all that mattered was that Albus was soft and sweet and kissing him. If he regretted it later, at least he would have had his dreams fulfilled. For a moment, at least, he loved Albus Severus Potter and Albus loved him back. And kissing him felt so right…

They broke away, after exhausting all oxygen resources. Both were flushed, and hot, and trying to pretend that what they didn't care what about what had just happened. They were doing a pretty bad job of it.

"So," Scorpius said.

Albus began, "I reckon it must be…"

"The pink."

"The red."

They had both spoken at the same time. Then each flashed a guilty look at the other, and then at the potions in their hands.

"We seem to have come to differing conclusions," Scorpius noted. "Therefore, we should…"

"Do it again," Albus finished.

And they did. After gingerly setting the potions back on the shelves and replacing the stoppers, they pressed their lips together again, and proceeded as though they had never stopped for more than a few breath-catching seconds.

Scorpius wound his arm around Albus's waist, and felt Albus's fingers running through his hair, and then sliding down the back of his head, trailing down his neck, lingering there at the collar of Scorpius's robes. It felt wonderful, all of it.

And so they continued kissing. Their task in the detention, after all, had been fulfilled; the Burning Bitterroot Balm, Voicelift Potion, Drowsiness Draughts, and even love potions were all a distant memory, and all Albus and Scorpius knew was each other.

And they were so lost in each other that when Professor Selwyn returned, they didn't hear her footsteps approaching the door. They didn't hear her stop, a little puzzled, hearing not the chatter of teenage boys or the clink of potion bottles, but a quiet, persistent sound. _Ah, fate is a funny thing_, thought Professor Selwyn, who comprehended the situation immediately. _So the Potter boy and the Malfoy were brought together in more ways than I had thought…this should be interesting_. She considered opening the door on them, but then reconsidered. After all, she had once been a teenager, and she knew how she would have felt if her Potions master had walked in on her when _she_ was kissing boys in empty rooms after dark. (Of course, she would like to think Albus and Scorpius liked her considerably better than she had liked Supodos.)

So rather than walk in and catch the boys in _flagrante delicto_, Professor Selwyn leaned against the wall and resumed _Two Seekers in Love_. It was at an appropriate part too, for the sound effects; the main couple had just begun to snog. She sighed contentedly and began to read.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Professor Selwyn had finished two chapters of her romance novel, and she was getting slightly impatient. So she put away her book, took a few steps back and nonverbally said, "_Sonorus_," pointing her wand at her shoes. Then she strode down the hall, her footsteps magically amplified to double their normal volume—if the boys couldn't hear her coming now, it'd be their own fault—and let herself into the potions storage room. 

From the looks of it, Albus and Scorpius had broken away only seconds before she entered. They were flushed, Professor Selwyn observed, and their hair and robes were slightly disheveled, bearing all the telltale marks of hasty straightening. Scorpius was holding Albus's hand, which he quickly released when he felt his Head of House's gaze linger on it.

The two looked up at Professor Selwyn, wearing identical sheepish expressions. Professor Selwyn merely raised an eyebrow.

After a minute of awkward silence, Professor Selwyn affected her best 'oblivious teacher' look and cheerfully asked, "So, I trust you completed your task?"

Scorpius nervously flashed a glance at Albus, who quickly went over to the shelves to retrieve the forgotten potions list. He handed it to Professor Selwyn.

She took the parchment, and looked down Albus's steady row of checkmarks. They went all the way down to Drowsiness Draughts, stopping at love potions. _Ah, love potions—that explains a lot_. But clearly the feeling must have been mutual; she could never have imagined, back in her days at Hogwarts, spending more than fifteen minutes snogging a boy she didn't care for. Well, except Conrad Rosier. But that was another story. In any case, either they had both taken love potions (suspicious), or one of them secretly lusted after the other but could only admit it with the pretense of a love potion, or they both had the hots for each other but had never acted on it. Professor Selwyn hoped it was the third option. She had never been one for unrequited love. She vowed to very subtly try playing matchmaker with them starting Monday.

Then she realized she should say something, so she did. "Aaah, so you did Drowsiness Draughts as well? Good boys. And did you finish with the love potions?"

"Errr…"

"No," Scorpius said, "we couldn't figure out how to get the stoppers off, so we just sat around talking until you showed up again."

"Aaah," Professor Selwyn breathed, "quite understandable. You have to give them a twist to the left, nice and sharp, and they come off pretty easy after that."

Scorpius nodded, looking very relieved that his flimsy lie seemed to have worked.

"One point to Slytherin, then," Professor Selwyn said. "Thank you for your extra help, and I certainly hope that this experience has taught you not to mess around with Slytherin girls anymore."

With that, the Potions Master turned dramatically and exited, calling, "See you Monday!" over her shoulder as she did.

Albus and Scorpius flashed each other a nervous little smile.

When he thought the Professor was out of earshot, Albus said, "D'you think she…?"

"Maybe," Scorpius said. He shook his head "That's just too weird. Selwyn's…."

They stood there for a moment, looking after her.

"Well, ummm, good night!" Albus said, leaving the room.

Scorpius caught up with him, and put a hand on his shoulder. "You do remember that we're going to the same place, right?"

"Oh…right…" Albus murmured, blushing furiously.

"C'mon, then." And Scorpius took Albus's hand, and they walked back to the Slytherin common room, taking a second and muttering "_Chiaroscuro_," to get in. The common room was empty, and they cut through it, and took the staircase to the boy's dormitory. They didn't release each other's hands until the very end. Then they crawled into their separate beds. They were asleep in minutes.

Albus and Scorpius slept very soundly that night.

* * *

As it turned out, neither of the bottles had contained love potions after all. The pink potion Scorpius had drunk was an Alertness Potion, which had counteracted the Drowsiness Draught's effects. And the red potion Albus had drunk was for soothing burns. Nevertheless, the boys had been dating for a little more than a month. The true love potions were sitting on a shelf in a cabinet that Scorpius hadn't noticed. Professor Selwyn knew them at once from their characteristic mother-of-pearl sheen, and the smells of roses and lavender and steam that she noticed after twisting off the snake-head stopper. 

The stoppers—and the bottles in general—had been Professor Slughorn's, a gift from a former student, a Slytherin who had a talent for potion making and a taste for the decorative. Slughorn had used them indiscriminately on the first potions he had brewed for the class when he came out of retirement; the Amortentia, as well as Veritaserum, Polyjuice Potion, and Felix Felicis. Most of which were used, after which the bottles were reused, but Hogwarts never seemed to have the need for many love potions. Professor Selwyn smiled. Natural love was cuter anyway.


End file.
